Annoy

Hello.
Often, people are dumb, and I mean OFTEN! Sometimes dumb people make you sad. Solution? Revenge.
SO, I came up with a lovely list of ways to annoy people, and get revenge, without hurting someone's feelings "intentionally". (of course, it is intentional, but they don't have to know that.)

• Reply to someone with "That's what you think."
• Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read
• Never OR Always laugh at what they say
• Spel eezy wordz rong
• At a restaurant, consistently keep on sending your food back saying "that's not what I ordered"
• Whenever they say ANYTHING to you ALWAYS reply with "I know"
• When walking, push an invisible cart and make squeaky noises
• Call them a communist
• Disagree with ALL their views
• Pretend your invisible
• Complain about how ugly/fat you are
• Press the "power" button on on their computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the button to adjust brightness
• Answer a question with another question...optional: when they finally say a statement shout "I WIN"
• Ask someone to prove everything they say ("Hey, nice to see you" "PROVE IT")
• Insist to them you are family
• Tell them their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants
  
• Move their bookmark ahead a few pages when they're not looking
• Fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say
• Insist that Miley Cyrus is better than the Beatles
• Insist that totally untrue things are true...like "No, really, I KNOW that Florida is next to California" or "Bush is still the president"
• "Forget" the punchline of a LONG joke
• Tell them their accent isn't fooling anyone
• Finish your sentences with "in accordance to prophecy"
  
• While golfing (for who knows why) say "swing batabatabat-suhwing batta"
• Lie obviously about trivial things
• Start each meal with licking everything and claim it's so they won't steal it

Some people just stink enough to deserve it. Am I right?

How To

I realized something very important today: blogs are actually really stupid. (unless it has SOMETHING to offer) My previous blogs of things I hate, and epiphanies , and blah blah blah, are stupid. In fact, the blogs I find myself wasting time reading are...ahem...asdkfstupidasdf;lk. What? Oh, I didn't say anything. Right. Soooo, I decided I'm going to actually offer something. We'll see how this goes.


How to make crappy wallets.
Step one: find crappy wallet materials...in this case, playing cards.
Step two: Tape playing cards together however you want.
Step three: Put stuff in the mass of cards somehow.
It should look like this
Good Job!!! And remember "if at first you don't succeed, stop wasting your time!"

Alright, now on to something more applicable to something else.

How to get rid of squirrels in the attic
Step 1: Have squirrels in your attic.
Step 2:Use lots of duct tape (or heavy-gauge wire mesh if you really want to) and cover up every single possible point of entry...or escape...for the squirrel.
Step 3: If you did Step 2 right, you are now stuck in your attic.
Step 4: Kill the squirrel. I prefer to use one of these three options:

• Shoot it. Shoot everywhere until you hit it. Bring lots of ammo and any choice of gun.
• Suicide Bomb. It's for the greater good.
• Fire.

Awesome! Now you have a cool wallet and did something useful for yourself.

How to catch a Harry Potter

Step 1: Go to Hogwarts. He likes it there.
Step 2: Become a Death Eater. This takes out all the looking, because he'll find you!
Step 3:Use a flamethrower. He won't know what it is and he won't expect it.

Step 4: Disguise yourself as a wizard disguised as a Death Eater disguised as a muggle. They won't accuse you of killing Harry Potter.
Step 5: Dig up his grave and keep his bones as a trophy!
Success! You caught a Harry Potter!
Well, you should feel fulfilled for a little while. I'll give you more "how-to's" when the fulfillment wears off.