How To

I realized something very important today: blogs are actually really stupid. (unless it has SOMETHING to offer) My previous blogs of things I hate, and epiphanies , and blah blah blah, are stupid. In fact, the blogs I find myself wasting time reading are...ahem...asdkfstupidasdf;lk. What? Oh, I didn't say anything. Right. Soooo, I decided I'm going to actually offer something. We'll see how this goes.


How to make crappy wallets.
Step one: find crappy wallet materials...in this case, playing cards.
Step two: Tape playing cards together however you want.
Step three: Put stuff in the mass of cards somehow.
It should look like this
Good Job!!! And remember "if at first you don't succeed, stop wasting your time!"

Alright, now on to something more applicable to something else.

How to get rid of squirrels in the attic
Step 1: Have squirrels in your attic.
Step 2:Use lots of duct tape (or heavy-gauge wire mesh if you really want to) and cover up every single possible point of entry...or escape...for the squirrel.
Step 3: If you did Step 2 right, you are now stuck in your attic.
Step 4: Kill the squirrel. I prefer to use one of these three options:

• Shoot it. Shoot everywhere until you hit it. Bring lots of ammo and any choice of gun.
• Suicide Bomb. It's for the greater good.
• Fire.

Awesome! Now you have a cool wallet and did something useful for yourself.

How to catch a Harry Potter

Step 1: Go to Hogwarts. He likes it there.
Step 2: Become a Death Eater. This takes out all the looking, because he'll find you!
Step 3:Use a flamethrower. He won't know what it is and he won't expect it.

Step 4: Disguise yourself as a wizard disguised as a Death Eater disguised as a muggle. They won't accuse you of killing Harry Potter.
Step 5: Dig up his grave and keep his bones as a trophy!
Success! You caught a Harry Potter!
Well, you should feel fulfilled for a little while. I'll give you more "how-to's" when the fulfillment wears off.