The World of Hot Somewhat Fictional Characters

I approve of videogames. Why? 

I will answer that question with a question.

Why not? 

Some may say "Because they are violent, pointless, addicting, stupid, not fun, not real, waste of time, etc."

To them I say. Shut up. No one asked your opinion, now let me say mine.

Apart from games being really fun, because they are,  there is one reason to play them that trumps any reason not to:

Hot Somewhat Fictional Characters.

I say "somewhat" because they are real. They're real to me. In my heart. 

Examples? Yes please.

1. Link from The Legend of Zelda Series

 Look at that.

 Though Link has appeared in many different incarnations in his games, we all know that this Hyrule hero will always be the same at heart. He is a hero, holds multiple responsibilities, saves the world,  has a deep caring factor....and he's gorgeous. *sigh of love*

2. Ezio Auditore Da Firenze from Assassins Creed

This guy is just so legit. He does such wicked, awesome, kill moves. SOOO cool. Which makes him attractive. He was a Florentine noble during the Italian Renaissance and, unbeknownst to most historians and philosophers, a central member and Grand Master of the Assassin's Order. sweeeet. 

3. Desmond Miles from Assassin's Creed

DIFFERENT from Ezio, just for you unknowings, Desmond Miles is one of the protagonist in Assassin's Creed. A bartender, Desmond was kidnapped by Abstergo Industries and taken to a secret laboratory, where he was put into the custody of Dr. Warren Vidic and Dr. Lucy Stillman. Although Desmond can be considered the protagonist of Assassin's Creed, the game is centered around his ancestors. But he's HOT. 

4. Kaiden Alenko from Mass Effect

Kaidan is a human Sentinel and a Systems Alliance Marine. He's a biotic wired with the controversial L2 implants, which are known to cause severe neurological damage to the user, but luckily, he only suffers from occasional migraines. As multi-talented as he is intelligent, Kaiden is cautious and self-controlled. 

He's lived a tough virtual life, and he is not bad looking, my friends. 

5. Roxas from Kingdom Hearts 2

Okay, I don't wanna be one of those weird anime-obsessed creeper girls, this guy is cute, like "ahhhh" cute. You know? Okay maybe not. Anyway, Roxas is the nobody of the main character, Sora. There's a lot of background to this, but basically if someone gives up their heart they create a heartless and a nobody. Sora cheesily "gave up" his heart to his lady friend, and Roxas poofed into existence as Sora's nobody. 

I just like him.

6.Nathan Drake from Uncharted

So, I've never actually played this game, but you gotta admit, he is FINE. I like his hair. But anywho, Drake frequently makes sarcastic quips and taunts, which is excellent because sarcasm rocks. Matt Casamassina of IGN commented on the character's interactions during gameplay that reveal Drake's nature: "it's lighthearted and amusing, but it also demonstrates that Nate is aware of how absurd his predicaments sometimes are. It's a small, unimportant communication, but it makes sense that the two would behave exactly as they do."

Sounds goooood to me.

7.Alan Wake from...Alan Wake

This is guy is sssweeeeeeeet. Why? He defeats evil axe-throwing demon spirits with a flashlight, a flashlight..and a gun, but whatever. He has a nice voice too, which kind of gets annoying with all his crazy narration, but, again, whatever. I still like the game, and I still appreciate this writing ghost fighter.

8. Sam Fisher

Sam is a real straight-forward guy. Though fully aware and confident of his abilities, Fisher understands that his survival has often been a gift of chance. He's Bad-A.  Fisher possesses a distinctly dark sense of humor, which is great. Personality-wise, Fisher is abrasive and honest, and has little patience for niceties and even less for lies, especially when the immediate problem presents itself. 

9. The Prince of Persia from Prince of Persia

This prince is more accustomed to blood and battles than thrones and theocracy. He is a mysterious character, with a rough exterior and a good heart. His facial scars do not detract from his perfectly chiseled jaw line, and his lucky scarf combines with his tousled hair to give him the look of a playful rocker from the rough side of town. Mmmmmm.

10. John Marston from Red Dead Redemption

Not gonna lie, this one was a toss-up for me. He's really not that hot looking and his voice sounds like Billy Ray Cyrus, BUT he's an upstanding guy that is pretty dang sweet. His loyalty and dedication are what really makes this rough gritty guy attractive and sexy. 

Failure to Launch

WELL. I have written many posts. All of them are pretty stupidly entertaining. But you know what? I've had a lot of stupidly stupid ideas or difficult ones that never made it out onto the actual blog. I am gonna share those posts with you.

Right now.

The italicized purple text is what I was thinking. 

Yeah. That's right!

Okay. Here we go.

1. Realizations

Here I am, bored out of my mind and procrastinating homework/studying for as long as I can, when I started realizing stuffs.

1.

People are...no. Er...in college there are...crap. Snap. I can't think of anything. Screw it.

2.Love: The Silent Killer

Almost all...meaning all, of my posts are basically dumb. Me being dumb. Let's take a step back, get a little serious, and talk about love.

You might be wondering "Nikole, what do you know about love?" My answer: nothing. I've never been in love. I've liked people, sure, but love?

What is love? Welll...some say it's friendship set on fire, others say it's like luck, and still others say it doesn't exist. I honestly have know idea. But I've heard talk...and I think I've gathered a few things about the realm of love that I would like to share.

1.) Attraction. You can't love someone you ain't attracted too. That doesn't mean ugly people can't fall in love, it just means that even they

What am I even talking about?  Ugly people can fall in love...with other ugly people that that ugly person finds attractive...which is less rare than you think...and, i'll work on this later.

3.)Plan for the Universe

I've come up with a plan for the rest of the universe. Trust me!

1.) Everything is free

This sounds good at first, until you realize the seemingly terrible downsides.We can't really have infinite desires with finite resources. Correct? So we need some sort of merit system, which would most likely cause a lot of tension on the planet. I say, let there be tension!!! Survival of the fittest. The very few survivors will be very happy with their seemingly endless resources til the planet dies.

This could be so epic! I'm gonna come back to this when I have enough time to give it the attention it needs!

(I never did)

4.)Curdled Milk, Rubber Hashbrowns, and Cheese Sandwhiches

That's all I wrote. The Title. I don't remember what it was about. 

5.) Love vs Hate

Love: V8 Fusion. It actually does taste good. AND there's a hidden serving a vegetables. It's a 46ounce Pomegranate-Blueberry Liquid Miracle!

Hate: Carbonation. It always burns my throat. I know, I'm a huge sissy...but it is what it is.

Love: Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

You're one hundred percent positive that the ship which is crashed on the bottom of this ocean is the ship which you said you were one hundred percent positive could one hundred percent positively never crash?

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

Hate: Twilight

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.

In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely.

Gag.

Wait...no one cares about this stuff. I'm gonna go play Zelda. 

6.) Not a Slander

I was walking around today, hurryin to class and what not, when I saw this girl. Whatever, I see a million people everyday on campus. I looked up with my "I-am-so-bored-and-not-wanting-to-talk-to-anyone face" when she said "Hey! I LOVE your earrings!"

Wha? My face morphed from I-am-so-bored-and-not-wanting-to-talk-to-anyone to surprise to a smile. Being so polite and awesome, I replied, "Hey, thanks!"

"You're welcome!" 

And we just kept walking. 

Okay, not an exciting story, I know. It happens everyday. I know. Some people are just more outgoing than others. I know. 

BUT it made me want to compliment people. So, to followers and non-followers, here we go:

Seth: I like you're dark wash jeans. They are uber hott and make you look like Channing Tatum, but more awesome.

Andrew: Your voice is like audible platinum. I'm not just saying that. 

Dan: 

This is gonna take forever! I give up. Plus...it's a retarded stupid idea.

(Dan, nothing against you. I would have put Dan: Your hair is SO HOT! All lengths!)

Easy A....my life.

So, I've watched the movie Easy A a couple of times now. 1. I LOVE it. 2. I want to be her. Therefore, I'm gonna do my best to do so....right now.
Here's the beef of the movie:
After a little white lie about losing her virginity gets out, a clean cut high school girl sees her life paralleling Hester Prynne's in "The Scarlet Letter," which she is currently studying in school - until she decides to use the rumor mill to advance her social and financial standing.
That's it in a nutshell. So the protagonist, Olive, tells her side of the story with a big ol' webcast, in an effort to smooth out this nasty rumor. My "webcast" is going to be my blog. My losing the v-card story will be a rather upsetting tale about a couple of roommates and our inability to get along. She splits her story into different parts, from "The rumor-filled totally false account of how I ruined my flawless reputation" to  "Not with a fizzle, but with a BANG"

So enjoy, dear reader who could probably care less.

Part 1: Tears of Joy and then REGRET.
Yes. Joy. I got into a somewhat prestigious college close to home, and with full tuition. FULL tuition. Well, this college "strongly encourages" incoming freshmen to move into the dorms, so okay. In addition to my scholarship, I got a good chunk of money from the government. It's called a grant. Very useful...college goers? Look into it. So, I logged on the university's website and picked a corner bed in a corner room of a corner apartment...an empty apartment.
A while later some random girl added me as a friend on facebook. Sophia...with a little message "Um..I think we're roommates" How did she know?!?!?! So I looked it up ASAP. hmmm...Sophia, Nikole, Jenna, Elizabeth (Ashley)....Amy and Holly.
What?
I knew them.
I went to school with them.
But wanna know the real down to earth secret? I never really liked them. Holly was kinda "meh", but Amy was not a grade A friend. I always found her rather egotistical in a disgusting way. Sorry. Bein' frank. Anyway, I'm not holdin back here, I cried. In absolute utter frustration. I CRIED. My mom will totally back me up on this.
After I wiped away my not needed tears, I called Holly and Amy, and told them to please move in so many words. My "window" of moving had ended. Theirs hadn't. I was belligerent when they denied, I told myself, I guess I'll make the best of this....until it blows up in my face, because I know it will.
It did.
Part 2: Making the Best out of a No Good Terrible Gross Situation
Looooonnnnnnnnngggggg story short: it was hard to get along. I tried to in the summer, but it was a no from day one. I was even giving them the benefit of the doubt in my own personal journal. "Amy is kind of condescending," "I'm having a bit of a problem with Holly....," "Amy has a tendency to be egoistical," etc. I was even putting it nicely in my own private journal with my own private thoughts.
So we moved in. Exciting day!!! I met my other roommates, and in a non-gross lezbo way, we were a match made in heaven. But after a few days of happy go-lucky jazz with my hidden annoyance, it all changed.
Part 3: Maybe a Match Made in Hell (Sorry if that offends...)
That's right. Why? Because eventually it was clear my extreme annoyance with the two girls was shared by my other roommates. That was good. Really it was. Because we could share our feelings and anger with each other. Unfortunately, those feelings grew like a huge-o forest fire. Big whoop. Right? Then Holly went and made us all mad in the most despicable way.
That trick turned me in.
I like how Ashley words the situation.
" Nikole walks in, obviously upset. Apparently a CERTAIN roommate was uncomfortable with the fact that Nikole occasionally spends the night at a friend's house, so she went right ahead and talked to our RA to "see if it was against the Honor Code" without even talking to Nikole about it first!! (And just to clarify, Nikole and a group of her best friends have been having sleepovers with each other for a while now at this house, and yes, there are a couple males involved. They do everything together...they even formed a band a few weeks ago :) But she never knew this was against the Honor Code because she wasn't doing bad things or even doing it on campus. Just a group of besties hanging out at someone's house.) So the RA went to the Head RA, and they're going to talk to the Honor Code office about it. This is worse than it sounds. The Honor Code people take their job very seriously, and if they feel the Honor Code is being broken, serious measures will be taken. Nikole could very easily lose her scholarship, and if worse comes to worse, she could even be kicked out of the school."
To say I was upset, is a steep understatement. So, we talked to them. After our discussion, it was supposedly understood that all Honor Code violations be brought up with the person before the H.C.O.
Remember that. It's important to the story.
ANYWHO, we were all frustrated with the two (fill in a variety of insults). So, in all honesty, we weren't exactly nice to them. In our defense, we never did anything terrible and they were hardly home anyway. PLUS, they did stuff back, like walk in two minutes after guys are supposed to leave saying "Do you kids need help moving to the lobby?" Gag.
Mostly, we just talked about them behind their backs. We are college girls. It happens.
Part 4: Deny Me Once, I Try to Get Along, Deny Me Twice, You Gotta Get the H*** OUT
It wasn't long before we were all sick of the situation. We talked to them, as straight up as possible, the four of us told them why they do NOT mesh in this apartment and why they should move. They denied again.
You know...Amy kept on talking about how she doesn't need acceptance to be who she is blah blah blah won't change for anyone blah. Amy. Girl. If you ever read this, frankly, you're an idiot. No one wanted you to change, we wanted your butt out of our place.
Fine.
Whatever.
We decided that we're sick of all this stupid stuff, and made an agreement to be nice from now on. No backtalking. No pranks. No nothing. Nice.
Part 5: A Broken Promise
Remember how we would take up Honor Code stuffs with the person first? Yeah. Those girls don't know what an agreement is.
Jenna, Sophie, Ashley, and I all had meetings, individually, with the Hall Advisor and the head of ALL housing at BYU to discuss our "disregard of the rules".  Here's the deal. My best friend ever, Sophie's brother and Jenna's brother have been in their sister's bedrooms. NO ONE cared. Well, untrue, someone did, but they didn't have the lady balls to come talk to us about it. They told their mother. Their mother. Who called the head of housing and complained.
Time out.
We moved out. We are living on our own. We are legal adults. Is it really appropriate to get your mom involved in something like this? No. It's not.
GROW UP HOLLY!
Anyway, so because my "offense" wasn't family, I'm in even more trouble. I do have to move out. Let us hope that the behavioral contract I now have to sign tomorrow doesn't involve me paying for housing anyway.

So that's that.
The entire story.
That's my side of the story, the right side.
I didn't exaggerate the truth. I didn't lie.
Questions? Post 'em. I'll answer full heartily.

Amy, Holly, I wish you luck in your life. Because in all honesty...you're gonna have a rough time. Four people are moving out, and changing their lives completely, leaving their new ward and neighbors....because of you. I have to move home. I don't wanna do that AT ALL. Because of you. I'm sorry if we hurt you. But talk to the person next time.
From,
Me.

Tooth Fairy: Leading Kids to Gehenna

Little Candice Harrison finally felt the wiggling sensation in one of her central incisors. After hours of tugging, and shimmying(?) her little baby tooth, it lost its grip on her little pink gum and fell out. Carefully, she placed it under her pillow, and the next day, awoke to a shiny new quarter...or two...or twenty bucks (inflation). Oh. How sweet is that?!

But, what happened to Miss Candice Harrison?
Meet Candy. That's right. Candice grew and chose a less-than-desirable occupation charging $30-$150 an hour for her "services".

Stay with me. Prostitution is often referred to as the oldest profession, dating back to the beginning of time. Women were totally gypped and had no way of earning money. Well, it is said that men have always been at the mercy of their urges, and so women learned to sell their bodies for food, clothing and shelter.

Bull.

Prostitution started because children like Candice learned they could sell their body parts for money. The Tooth Fairy taught them this. Eventually, (after a short phase of hack-sawing enemies and selling those body parts) girls, like Candice, realize they can sell their entire bodies.

So, remember the next time you tuck in your little toothless girl in for a sweet night: That mythical Tooth Fairy you told her about, could lead that little girl into the very depths of Hades.

Bookface

The life of a college student is very full and busy, but some students, like me, aren't that busy...in fact, our lives are incredibly BORING. Solution? Internet. Namely? Netflix and Facebook.

Facebook.

An incredible website with over 500 million active users. People, all declaring themselves to be over thirteen, exchange messages, upload pictures, update statuses...statusi, and stalk (a lot), among other things. However, I think that there could be some definite improvements. So, I'm creating (in my fictional land of things I daydream about doing and becoming famous and loved by millions for) a very original website called "bookface".

Here's some major differences between "bookface" and "facebook"

Screening. Each new user (invited by a current user) must complete a screening test WHILE hooked up to a lie detector. Blood or urine samples may be, but are not always, necessary. This way, we can prevent several kinds of "facebookers" from becoming "bookfacers"

• The sympathy-baiter. "could really use some good news now" "worst day ever!" "is sad" these are the statusessesi...that will never be allowed!
• The incessant inviter-"Support my cause!" "Come to my big thingy, everyone will be there" "I took the which famous president quiz are you and got Nixon. Which one are YOU?" "I'm inviting you to national hug a Mormon/Jew/College Student/Grandma day!"
• The quidnuc-The peeping Toms of Facebook. These people are just too careful, or lazy, to post anything ever, or update their status, or anything! Yet, when you talk to them, they'll bring up something you posted. They're on your page. Hiding in the shadows. Creepy...
• The paparazzi-I swear, some people make it their goal to get the most hideous and/or incriminating pictures of people, post them on facebook, tag them, and repeat. Many many times. This also includes the people who have cameras attached to their hips/eyeballs and constantly post more and more pictures. However, this doesn't count the people that take a ton of pictures, try to edit them with photoshop and repost them...because I'm one of those.
• Missionaries-Facebook is not the place to be posting updates on your religious beliefs. That's my personal opinion.
• The Updater of Minutiae-these people let you know when they're eating a sandwich, doing homework, shopping, talking to their grandmas, watching the latest Glee episode, or how much they love their dog/friend/girlfriend/mom, etc.

With my screen test, a series of elaborate questions will be asked to determine who is normal and awesome, and who is one of these guys...or something else terrible/embarrassing.

Also, bookface will be purple, not blue. Ads will pay for it, of course, but they will be invisible and silent.

There WILL be a dislike button, and even a boot button. The boot button sends a request to the bookface team to review the person who was "booted" and deny them access to bookface or not.

Instead of profile pictures, everyone will have profile portraits.

The consequences for someone messing with a bookface profile that is not their own will be DIRE. Like "pick a switch" if ya know what I mean.

Ask Victoria Norton

I decided to have a post similar to an advice column, an advice post. Why? Because I must be great at giving advice. I mean, everyone asks for it...okay not really, but that's still my reason why!

All advice column's titles are formatted like this "Ask -insert writer's alias-" So, I googled a name generator to find my own alias. Unfortunately the first name that came up was "Nicole Brahed," so I gave the generator another go to get "Victoria Norton"

Also, I don't really have any questions...so I just stole some from an actual advice column til this one kicks off.

Dear Mrs. Web Victoria Norton,

My mother and I are really close. I am 13. There is only one problem. She doesn’t know I go out with boys. She is always telling her friends that I am different and not interested in that sort of thing. I want to know if I should tell her. The one other time I lied to her she cried because I kept a secret from her. I need help.

-Rhonda Buttts

Miss Buttts,

I'm going to answer your question with a question. What do you mean you date boys?? Your last name is "butt" with an extra "t". I just don't see how this is a problem. Really, your question should be more like "I pretend to go out with boys. My mom is always telling her friends that I'm not interested in actually dating. I don't know if I should tell her I pretend to be more attractive and dateable than I am. Last time I lied to her, she cried." See? There really is no problem here. Why should you tell your mom you don't actually date when she thinks you don't actually date?! Idiot.

Dear Mrs. Web Victoria Norton,

How do I tell my father that I flunked out at the university? I haven’t had the courage to tell him yet. He is expecting me to go back in the fall semester. This has been like a boulder in the pit of my stomach.

-Andy Hesnish

Andy, here's the problem. You are a failure. There's no way getting around it. I mean, you failed school. So, you're going to fail at telling your father the bad news. You'll probably fail at finding a girlfriend. In fact, you're just gonna fail at absolutely everything. I say, pal, just deal with it. Eventually, you'll get used to your constant failures. If not, you'll just become a lazy drunk.

Dear Mrs. Web, Victoria Norton

My family does not have a television. When my parents come to visit, they seem uncomfortable that we do not have one. They consider us very unusual because we do not have one in the house. For the third time, they recently have sent us a television as a gift. We do not want to have one in the house and we have given away the other two. How should we handle this?

-Henry Roberts

Henry, just get a d*** tv! It's only human.

One more? Oh okay, you talked me into it.

Dear Mrs. Web Victoria Norton,

I have 2 dogs. They use our yard and I do clean it up 3 times a week. My next door neighbor wants me to clean up immediately after the dogs. I work full time and have two young children. I just can’t do this every day. How often should I clean my yard? Would there be a law about this?

-Chad

Well, CHAD, someone has got to go. It's either the dogs or your neighbors. You shouldn't have to clean poop off your own lawn, it's your lawn! But these complaints from your neighbors are no bueno. So, here's a hint. Axe, sword, pizza cutter, gun. You just gotta pick who you love more. Fluffy and Snowball, or your dogs?

That's all the questions I'm gonna answer today. Got a question? I would love to answer it.

Meat Market

As posted a few months ago, BYU is a meat market.

"Meat Market? Yes. Meat Market. What in the flippin' world is a meat market? Well, I will tell you. When you go to a butcher shop (aka "meat market") you see a world full of different meat. Ribs, steak, roasts, you name it, but you don't want to get some crappy meat with way nasty parts, so you inspect the meat carefully knowing you'll get some in the end. BYU is a meat

market. The meat? Girls. The shopper? Boys. It's kind of ridiculous."

That's what I wrote, and it's true. It REALLY is. I mean my good roommie, Sophia, has been asked on a million dates and has been in almost two relationships. Two of my other roommates have successfully landed boyfriends since their arrival at this University a few months ago. Ashley has been asked out a lot, and Jenna has been on several dates as well. In fact, almost every girl has. The guys are inspecting the meat. But, I realized something.

I'm the slimy, sour, E. coli ridden rump roast jammed in the back of the freezer.

I'm not saying that as a plea for attention, or anything stupid like that. I'm just saying that I must not be the prime target for these Y-boys. I've yet to be asked on any dates whatsoever, and a date that was set-up for me didn't work out...I got stood up on a date I wasn't even asked out on....

NOW, I don't really want to be some other lamb chop or top blade boneless steak under the glass of the butcher shop, but I mean really!

I don't know why I'm blogging/venting about this to you, my few readers, but I am.

Sophie says my lack of dating is because I often leave to hang with my good, excellent, amazing friends, Seth, Andrew, Dan, and sometimes Stuart, but I dare say that is not true. I do chill with them a lot, but I'm surrounded by students everyday, and hang out with guys and girls from around here too.

Well. Let us hope I do not offend. Because that could be a clear reason to my "problem" (it's not really..) But yeah.

Embrace the White

Today, I was walking back from the school in way too summery clothes for a terrible cold fall day, when something flashed before my eyes. I look down. What do I see? The top half of my foot peeking out from my shoe. It is so incredibly white, it temporarily blinded me.

Well, this is unfortunate.

But...is it, really? So, I decided to do some research (meaning I typed

"Do guys like pale girls?" into the google search engine and pressed "Enter"), and I decided to share my findings.

What the bored most probably lowlifes of the internet say:

• "People are scared of Ghosts for a reason" :(
• "I think they're sexy" :)
• "I like them more than the nasty orange skins" :|
• "If I love her, I will bright up her world" ?
• "Tan girls are much more appealing to the eyes" :(
• "White girls? Tan. Asians? Milky. Black? Beyonce." :(
• "Pale is a good thing" :)
• "As long as it suits you" :|
• "Yes, I do! I love them!" :)
• "I love tan!" :(
• "Something about it seems clean and pure" :)
• "Pale isn't good. Ewwwww" :(

Obviously, it depends on the person, but I was just curious. ANY

WAY, I also found a list of fair skinned celebs that I would like to point out.

1. Rose McGowan

2. Dita Von Teese

3. Nicole Kidman

4.) Evan Rachel Wood

5.) Nikole

Ooops...how did that get there? Hmmm...

By they way, sorry for the lack of male celebrities, the only one I could think of was Robert Pattinson...and that's just unfortunate.

So, anyway, to all you fair skinned sufferers/enjoyers, I say, EMBRACE THE WHITE.

Songs

Dream-Priscilla Ahn

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.

I played pretend between the trees, and fed my house guests bark and leaves,

And laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream.

If I could fly from the highest swing, I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.

The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said my prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream.

If I could fly from the highest tree, I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling gray. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.

I lived it full and lived it well. There's many tales I've lived to tell.

I'm ready now

I'm ready now

I'm ready now

To fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream.

Cold Missouri Waters- James Keelaghan

My name is Dodge, but then you know that
It's written on the chart there at the foot end of the bedThey think I'm blind, I can't read it
I've read it every word, and every word it says is death
So, Confession - is that the reason that you came
Get it off my chest before I check out of the game
Since you mention it, well there's thirteen things I'll name
Thirteen crosses high above the cold Missouri waters

August 'Forty-Nine, north Montana
The hottest day on record, the forest tinder dry
Lightning strikes in the mountains
I was crew chief at the jump base, I prepared the boys to fly
Pick the drop zone, C-47 comes in low
Feel the tap upon your leg that tells you go
See the circle of the fire down below
Fifteen of us dropped above the cold Missouri waters

Gauged the fire, I'd seen bigger
So I ordered them to sidehill and we'd fight it from below
We'd have our backs to the river
We'd have it licked by morning even if we took it slow
But the fire crowned, jumped the valley just ahead
There was no way down, headed for the ridge instead
Too big to fight it, we'd have to fight that slope instead
Flames one step behind above the cold Missouri waters

Sky had turned red, smoke was boiling
Two hundred yards to safety, death was fifty yards behind
I don't know why I just thought it
I struck a match to waist high grass running out of time
Tried to tell them, Step into this fire I set
We can't make it, this is the only chance you'll get
But they cursed me, ran for the rocks above instead
I lay face down and prayed above the cold Missouri waters

And when I rose, like the phoenix
In that world reduced to ashes there were none but two survived
I stayed that night and one day after
Carried bodies to the river, wonder how I stayed alive
Thirteen stations of the cross to mark to their fall
I've had my say, I'll confess to nothing more
I'll join them now, because they left me long before
Thirteen crosses high above the cold Missouri waters
Thirteen crosses high above the cold Missouri shore

Pictures by Me :)

The Perfect Crime

The constitution clearly states that if a person commits a crime, they must be tried in the state the crime was committed with a jury from the district the crime was committed. WELL, there happens to be a district located in the Idaho portion of Yellowstone that is the place for the PERFECT CRIME!

Let us say that you happen to be in that portion of Yellowstone...and you accidentally and/or not so accidentally viciously murder someone. Obviously, you would get arrested and taken to Cheyenne to be tried by a jury of Wyomingnins in the Cheyenne area 21. WELL, Wyoming is NOT the state you committed a crime, Idaho is. So, constitutionally they would have to take you to Idaho for your trial. However, Amendment VI states that the jury has to be from the state (Idaho) AND the district (Wyoming) where the crime took place. Meaning, the jury would legally HAVE TO come from the Idaho portion of Yellowstone National Park. It just so happens that the 2000 Census states that the population of that area is precisely ZERO.

In other words, it is impossible to satisfy both parts of the Constitution. And if you do not consent to that Cheyenne trial, which you do not have to do, you should be able go free. The other option, I suppose, would be to have a jury created of bears, moosen, and whatnots. (Yes, I know it's not really moosen)

Love.Angel.Music.Baby

Love. Angel. Music. Baby. (LAMB) is the name of Miss Gwen Stefani's solo album released in 2004. It has many a good song: Crash, Bubble Pop Electric, Harajuku Girls, and WIND IT UP (among others, of course)But, guess what? LAMB is also the name of Gwen's own fashion line!!!Personally, I am a FAN of this fashion! So, I decided to follow in Gwen's footsteps and create my own fashion line. I'll call it...

Beauty. Ideal. Righteous. Delicious.

or

Lovely. Invincible. Omniscient. Neat.

or

Clothes....I'm running out of ideas.

Forget the name, let us think of the fashion.

My first outfit is a piece I call "9,10, Never Sleep Again" inspired by Nightmare On Elm Street.

Notice the red and green stripes resembling the sweater

that a Mr. Freddy K wears in the movie. The hat, too, was taken from Freddy. It will be ALL THE RAGE.

My second design was inspired by Donatello. No, not the artist. It is called "Penicillin Pizza"

Notice how the purple bow represents the ninja mask thing the ninja turtle wears. See? Brilliant. I'm still working on how to incorporate the bo staff.

Thirdly, is the "Coturnix Coturnix" inspired by Quail.

Feathers.

Yeah, I know. You WILL be seeing these clothes all over your school by next season. However, all you New York peoples, Bask in the Damage comes first...so, you might have to wait a little while before recruiting me to the big fashion frenzy.

Bar Tending, Seth's Future.

Hello Nikole's readers, who are now coincidentally my readers because I am a "Guest Blogger." I would like to discuss with all of you my future as a Bar Tender. For those of you who are friends with Nikole on Facebook check out my pictures. The reason I am talking about Bar Tending is because I have nothing else to talk about and Nikole said I should, but believe you me you will hear a lot more from me. but ANYWAY I am going to move to Las Vegas or some famous city for....Bar Tenders. I am working on when you throw the cup behind your back and it spins a few times...and maybe some more...then I would like...catch it, then fill it up. I have changed my mind I don't want to be a Bar Tender, maybe a Card Deal.....no. I am in a famous band if you haven't heard of it it's called "Bask In The Damage" and I shred on lead guitar!! and do some sweet back up vocals, my compadre Andrew is the lead singer and writes all the lyrics! Nikole, owner of this blog and our token women, keeps us grooving with the bass, and last but not least my main man Dan slaps the sticks with extreme passion, cause he plays drums and we rock we have oodles of songs and not to mention we are gonna record and get famous and also we are going to be rich and I can quit school and be rich and pick up chicks and people will like me and not make fun of my body shape and maybe other people will pick up my hair style....our band rocks, God Bless America, and God bless you reader.

Seth McGuire

1,000 of my Closest Friends

I have a friend...coughstuartcough..., a close friend, and, according to his Facebook statistics, he has 1,000 other close friends. I think that's great, really I do. So, I thought I would let everyone know, that I, too, have at least one thousand chumps, buds, friends, if you will.

First, I have my 213 Facebook friends. These are the friends that I peer into their lives, and stalk, from Aaron, who I think is the brother of someone I met once maybe, to Zachary, who I believe was the creepy kid everyone felt bad for back in Elementary School. Among these friends, I also have the Tres Amigos, which is actually only dose friends, because I'm the...er...tres one. The Tres Amigos consists of me, Seth, and Dan, and we are awesome. Also included in this group of buddy-buddies are my roommates. All five of 'em, although that is rather deceiving since it's possible not all of them are friends, but they do have the label of "friend" as defined by the all-knowing Facebook...so, they count. My bandmates are also in this group. BASK IN THE DAMAGE, which is basically the Tres Amigos plus Andrew. And we rock! (Get it? Rock...heh). And, I musn't forget those who went to the Valley of the Goblins (tres amigos - Seth +Stuart + Jackson, but this is just getting ridiculous) Anywho, so these 213 people are definitely real close.

Next, I have my 176 friends in in church, and no, I left out the Facebook friends so I'm not double counting or whatever. They are really friends! I mean, I know like four of them by name...well five, because I found out that there are 5 Jordans. So...I have a 5/182 chance of being right if I call someone Jordan. But, really, we are tight. I mean, I've ditched group prayer and fake family home evening almost every single week, and they know me enough to not pester me about it or care.

I also have my physical science class. Now there's a group of friends! 210 of the brightest, smartest, coolest kids ever! I love all of them! Especially the Indian kid with the weird lisp voice that so kindly informed all of his friends, meaning the entire class, of the first man-made earthquake, where some-odd million people jumped at exactly the same time. Oh, he is so smart. Of course, they are ALL my friends, not just him. He's simply the example of all the greatness of that particular group of comrades

Some real good friends of mine are the ones I've met playing Halo online. I'll round down just to be nice. We'll just say 300, I must admit, that's a real ROUGH estimate and I probably have a lot more friends, and don't get me wrong, we're REAL close, I just have never counted. We love to tease each other, and talk, and sing, and play games. So fun.

Next, I've got my 55 confidants on the Board of Directors for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. These guys are great! Truly. They send me letters and invitations ALL THE TIME! They even continue to send them after I've ignored them completely, how nice is that? And they're always inviting me to do things. For example, just this past week they sent me an invitation to go on a walk with them. So nice.

I've got to be GOOD friends with 30 people I walked by today. Especially the awkward girl laying completely spread eagle on the grass, and the my friend that was singing Oklahoma. Man, I love these guys.

I also have some of my old neighbors. We'll count 10, because really, they're all old and keep dying. The only family around has like 3 kids, but I'm only counting two. One is a baby that is quite the ugly little thing...and he throws up a ton, so I am most certainly not counting him as my friend. So that's four. The other six are young couples. So cute. We are such pals.

Then, there's 3 Teacher's Assistants, who are really really awesome. We get along like peas in a pod. They're so cool; I love how they stare at me awkwardly and pretend to be my professor. I also adore how hard they grade my assignments.

Finally, there's me, myself and I. We are bffs!!!

Best Note-Taking Skills

I take REALLY good notes! Here is an example of the notes I took in a lecture about memory. These are my actual notes...take your own notes on the greatness of these notes to remember how to take great notes. (these are real)

Memory:

Sigmund Freud-what we choose to forget coincides with self-esteem

Schemas-basic ideas of people, places, etc.

JERKS TO BUNNIES

Anxiety to memory loss

Chunking

Night of TERROR

Sunday night sucked. Read this blog to know why. (I'm way too lazy to actually write stuffs.) Ashley's Blog

My Taps Are Better Than Yours

I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right. And so are you. Admit it. You are always right. All your opinions are the right ones. We could both totally disagree and we're still both right. (take that Aristotle and your theory of non-contradiction!)

I realized this while I was going through my tap class with a bored face, feeling as if I was the only one actually going with the count, the only one really bending my knees, the only one who understood what was a syncopated beat actually meant, and then turning around to see the girl next to me was right with me.

Wait.

I wasn't the only one. What is she thinking? I asked myself, I bet she thinks she is the only one that is actually going with the count, the only one really bending her knees and the only one that understands what a syncopated beat means. Skunkface. I mean, seriously! How dare she think that. Besides,

My taps are way cuter than her prissy new ones.

But then, I realized that I DON'T think I'm better than everyone else. I'm just always right. Get the difference? Work with me on this. Let's say I tried my absolute hardest to look as good as possible in hopes of landing a hot date at a party or something, and some floozy hot girl waltzes in with her natural beauty that took all of three minutes to "spice" up for the night.

Am I better than her?

No.

Am I hotter than her?

No.

Am I gonna get a hot date with her around?

Heck no.

But I'm right.

You see? You can always be right without being the best. What else am I right about?

RED lipstick looks bad on you. (I don't care who you are. Male, Female, Black, White...whatever) If it's really red, it doesn't look appealing. You look like a clown. Off-reds, pinks, whatevers, are fine, but keep in mind, lipstick tastes gross, which is a definite downside to you and the poor person you make kiss you.

Also, just because you use a euphemism, does not mean you can talk about whatever you want. Saying "she's expecting" instead of "she's prego" is fine, this does not mean you can talk about her pregnancy wherever and whenever. Get what I mean? Here's another example:

Phil: Hey Jill, I've been meaning to talk to you.

Jill: Yeah?

Phil: Yeah...would you go to homecoming with me?

Jill: Yeah!

Phil: Whew...I was sure you were a "woman in sensible shoes" (lesbian)

Jill:.........................

And, when you are being ignored, there's a reason. If people keep stepping on what you're trying to say, than they are obviously not interested in hearing it. DON'T KEEP GETTING LOUDER! Instead, shush it. I do it all the time, I have no hard feelings, I'm just not that interesting...but face it, there are sometimes when you need to just back off and QUIET down.

Oh, and, you have to be really specific when making wishes. I'm serious. This is a totally true story that I may or may not, but most certainly did just make up:

Quincy Mariah lived in a the town of Ecnanetniam (not that that's vital to the story), and she loved everything about Ecnanetniam, especially, but not limited to, Whitney Young. Unfortunately, Whitney was stuck in a big pickle! You see, Whitney Young was actually a boy with really jerky parents.

Anywho, Quincy loved Whitney and he loved her too. It was sweet, really. One day, Whitney got the gall to ask Quincy out on a date. Quincy eagerly accepted and hightailed it over to the nearest mall to get some cutesy date clothes. Upon leaving the mall, she spotted one of those cheesy fountains. It was really more of a big basin of chlorinated water with a rusted spout that would occasionally barf more water into the basin. But, in any case, she decided to make a wish and toss the coin into the fountain. Her wish was rather simple I wish that Whitney and I will have an awesome life together.

That night, he picked her up in his Jeep Wrangler. The ride to the movie theater was AWESOME and full of romantic conversation. The movie was AWESOME and full of romantic tension. And, the dinner was AWESOME and full of romantic beef. However, as the two lovebirds left the restaurant, a morbidly obese French dude jumped off the top of the restaurant in an effort to see if his fat would save his organs from such a fall, and crushed both of them...to death.

Quincy's wish came true (the French guy's did too, just so you know), but fate was cruel.

So seriously, make wishes carefully. Quincy really should have said I wish that Whitney and I will have an awesome life together; don't shorten our lives to accommodate this; don't make us happily disabled or anything, no funny stuff! Conscious, healthy, happy, awesome, long life together. Even that is a little too general.

Also, if you ever happen to write a story and can't think of a good name. Go ahead and steal some names off of the Important Numbers list hanging up in your dorm (i.e.Whitney; Quincy). If you need something more unique, try taking something off the same list and spelling it backwards (i.e. Maintenance can be the name of a city, Ecnanentniam).